It is painfully obvious that my last post was nearly 10 months ago. While I am personally a little frustrated that I haven’t kept with this blog, that I have really grown to love, circumstantially there has been some unexpected set-backs.
Sparing detail, 2010 has been challenging on many levels. The most prominent being that my father unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack in June. Though this is turning out to be a year of profound loss, I am growing and looking forward to new experiences because I am coming to understand, more and more everyday, that there is never-ending room for improvement.
Rest assured that my break from blogging did not include a break from running. On the contrary, it has felt like a necessary evil (in some respects) since my father’s death. It undoubtably has and will continue to play a huge role in my rebuilding process, but, it has also been a requirement, since I started training for another marathon in early June.
I ran that marathon two weekends ago. The marathon that I intended to train really hard and smart for and blog my process this time around as a second time marathoner. Obviously, that didn’t happen…but, it wasn’t all so bad in the end.
When I signed up for the Medtronic Twin Cities Marathon back in Spring, I was restless and missing the sadistic pride that inevitably accompanies marathon training (I firmly believe that every marathon runner is one part masochist). My good friend, Jeremy, originally from the Twin Cities area, was also planning to run it and I convinced another good friend, Liz, to join us. When my training started in June, I felt strong and grounded. It was good to get back into a schedule; to push myself again. It felt natural…it always does when you’re doing something you love.
Fast forward to two weeks before the marathon. I was going through the motions; doing my long runs, doing my maintenance runs, doing yoga sometimes, making it to the gym every now and then. I was exhausted and fed up with a lot of things in my life. Running was moving closer and closer to the top of my list. Physically, I knew I’d be fine, but mental strength is a huge part of distance running. The biggest part at times, I would argue. My heart was absolutely not in it (at all) and that made me nervous. But, I had to run this marathon…and I had to do it feeling unprepared…and I was pissed.
So I decided, given the situation, to view this marathon as a kind of “exorcism.” It would be a culmination and release of all the emotional demons that have taken up residence the past few months (almost the entire duration of my training). In true masochistic form, I was going to kick-off the rebuilding process by forcing my body and mind to run 26.2 miles. No pain no gain, right? (forgive me…I’m finding way too much truth in clichés lately…also circumstantial).
The morning of the marathon, I asked my dad to run with me. It was a beautiful, bright and sunny day. The course was awesome, starting in downtown Minneapolis, following along Lake of the Isles, Lake Calhoun, Lake Harriet, Lake Nokomis, The Mississippi River and ending at the Capitol in St. Paul. I kept up pace and ran the entire race with Jeremy (this was his and Liz’s first marathon. They both did an amazing job). I finished, 56 minutes ahead of my time last year, feeling stronger than I have in a long time.
Have all the demons completely left the building? No. I’m not so sure they ever really do. But, I am reminded again how running translates into every part of my life and, right now, it’s therapy. I will run another marathon, definitely. I will likely run more than one. But mostly, I look forward to running for myself, because I love it and it’s an outlet for me to rediscover and celebrate my strength…that’s the kind of life my dad wants me to live.
